Yes, No, Maybe – What Do I Want In Bed?

Communication can be one of the hardest things to master in a relationship. I am sure we have all experienced what a lack of communication feels like, and many problems that arise in relationships can be put down to a lack of conversations that needed to happen.

Possibly the hardest sort of communication in a relationship is talking to your partner about sex. Sex is everywhere, subtlety and not-so-subtlety permeating our thoughts on a daily basis. Society tells us we should be having sex, yet makes us feel shamed or embarrassed to talk about it. Confusing or what? Add to this the fact that we are not usually taught or modelled to express our sexual needs and you have a large lack of even basic communication. And plenty of confusion.

A great example which really isn't great at all is the fact of how difficult we find it to talk to partners about sexual health. In a recent survey, dating app Badoo found that 52% of daters find talking about sexual health with new partners 'awkward' and that 1 in 5 people have had unsafe sex because they were too embarrassed to ask about their partner's sexual health.

Repeat after me - 'There is nothing shameful or wrong about talking about sexual health!'

In fact, the survey also found that 63% of people thought that openness about sexual health was attractive. So, we don't want to talk about it, but we find people that talk about it attractive. Right. More confusion!

Sexual communication isn't just about STDs, its about pleasure, how frequently you'd like sex, exploring new things, coping with differences in sex drive or preferences. When you find a good way to talk about these subjects you will be forging greater levels of intimacy and really strengthening your bond with your partner, as well as improving your sex life.

Communication in the bedroom is the single most critical skill that will ensure more fun for you and your partners. It might feel awkward, but like anything, practice makes progress, so I've put together some tips for you to make those conversations easier.

Be prepared - What is it you want to talk about? On your own, think about the subject you'd like to explore with your partner. Don't wait until you are mid shag to bring things up! Then think about the best way to approach the subject. For example, if there's something you'd like to try then maybe you can bring up the subject via watching porn, or talking about an article you saw online. The "Yes, No, Maybe" game is great for this, and there are also phone apps which can help you get to know each other better, while removing some of the awkwardness.

If it's sexual health, then maybe ask your partner if they'd like to come with you when you get tested?

Always be kind and positive. Sex is meant to be pleasurable and most of our insecurities about these chats stem from fear of judgement or hurting your partner. So take care and compliment things you like, think positive reinforcement.
Patience is a virtue. Your partner might feel even more awkward than you. Take it slowly and give them time.

Pictures - Header: Kali Sudhra and Katana in "Everyday Turn-Ons"; in-line: Nata Ocean and Jesus Reyes in "Read My Lips", both Joybear productions.