BDSM For Beginners: A Pro Domme's Guide

1. Who are you, and what do you do for a living? Please introduce yourself briefly.

I have been working as a professional dominatrix in Leipzig for just over two years. I’ve been exploring fetishes, kinks, and BDSM in my private life for a while, but overall, I was a bit of a late bloomer. Things really took off for me in my mid to late twenties. I had some exposure around the age of 20, but it took time for me to get fully involved.

2. In your daily work as a dominatrix, which kinks or practices do clients most frequently book with you?

Most often, clients ask for submission through bondage or spatial restrictions, like being restrained in a leather sack or wrapped in plastic (mummification). I also use furniture in the studio, where I lay them down and immobilize them. In most cases, this is accompanied by pain, for instance, applied to the nipples and genitals. Anal play is also very commonly requested, with me being the active partner.

Flagellation, or whipping of all kinds, is also very popular. It’s applied to various body parts, not just the buttocks.

3. What kind of people come to see you?

I would say about 10% are over 55 years old, about half of my clients are between 40 and 55, around 30% are people aged 30 to 40, and the rest are between 18 and 30. People come from all walks of life and professions. Most aren’t coming to compensate for a power position in their jobs, where they want to surrender control. Rather, they often can’t express their kink within their relationship, or they have a partner who isn’t interested in their desires. I also get a lot of beginners who want to test out BDSM for the first time.

4. Many kinks require experienced hands, while others are suitable for beginners. What would you recommend to curious people who want to start exploring BDSM and impact play?

First of all, I would say: There’s BDSM, but also Body Sensation Play.
It doesn’t always have to be about pleasure through pain. Almost all BDSM "practices" can also be experienced as body sensation practices. For instance, whipping can also be done in a way that enhances pleasure without causing pain.

I’m not a professional coach, but from my experience, I started with body sensations, not pain right away. These are all BDSM practices, just gentler. The general rule is: too little pain is always okay, but too much pain can ruin the fun.

I would also tell people: The decision to gain pleasure through pain is one thing. But it’s also about training: How can I condition my body to tolerate certain sensations and gradually build up to certain practices? I guide people along this learning curve. For example, whipping can be progressively intensified. Spanking with the hand is different in terms of pain intensity compared to caning, which involves using a cane.

I also recommend checking out body maps available online that show the danger zones on the body. These body maps can help you learn where you can cause harm and where you can’t.

Additionally, I advise beginners not to spend a lot of money right away. You can start by seeing what you have at home: frying pans for spanking, zip ties and ropes for bondage, bed sheets, t-shirts for breath play, a door that can lock to imprison someone… Clothes pegs can be used as nipple clamps, and a cold shower can serve as punishment, etc. So first, do your research, read up, watch porn, and see what you can safely improvise.

And if you do buy something, it’s better to invest in good products than cheap ones that break quickly during play.

5. You suggest watching porn for inspiration. But porn is often criticized for being unrealistic.

You can still be inspired by porn. The films are highly aestheticized, but the depiction of the practices isn’t unrealistic. Platforms like XConfessions by Erika Lust and Lustery also offer BDSM content that’s beginner-friendly.

For a good overview of ethical porn sites, check out Porn Better. You can filter genres according to your preferences and find a collection of ethically produced porn sites, including in the BDSM category.

6. You also work with couples. What motivates couples to book a session with you? How does working with couples differ from solo sessions?

Couples usually come to me because the woman is insecure. Her partner is a submissive man who wants to be dominated by her, and while she’s interested, she’s not confident about how to go about it.

As a bisexual person, it’s a pleasure for me when a woman is involved, and I can include her in the play. I take on more of a coaching role in these situations. Either we stay in that dynamic, or we play together as a trio, with the woman and me dominating the man. Sometimes, I also take on the dominant role for both of them.

7. What do you try to teach these women?

I give them the freedom to be however they want in the room. If they’re interested in getting involved in the play, I encourage them. I tell them: You’ll make mistakes, and that’s okay. I’ve made mistakes too, like causing pain incorrectly. You only learn through mistakes, and with me, they have a safety net in the room.

8. What’s your favorite part of your work?

I love that I can wrap aggression in a completely different veil of eroticism. Fantasies that would be absolutely vile and deeply wrong in reality come to life as consensual fantasy. My body doesn’t distinguish between real and not real—imagination and the right equipment are enough. I also enjoy working with men who behave well, who can express themselves eloquently, make an effort, and show respect during the initial consultation.

9. And what’s the least enjoyable part?

There are a lot of men who don’t know how to communicate respectfully. Some idiots think that because they’re paying for sex work, they can behave however they want. That’s unacceptable, and unfortunately, far too many do it. These men don’t get a session with me.

10. Where can people find you if they want to book a session?
For real-life sessions, you can find me at SM-Bahnhof Leipzig.
You can also book online services with me, I offer camming and phone sessions under certain conditions.
This is my Instagram.